Midnight Musings

It’s the middle of the night and am still awake. There are a few things to give me company, the smokes of the incense stick, dim light of the low powered bulb, a few absolute classic novels and a hot steaming bowl of maggie noodles.
These few things seemed to give me constant company. Another fixation happened to be blocks of bitter chocolates. People say that chocolates help in lifting the mood when one is upset. Strangely in this case it was different. Somehow whenever my set of teeth bit into a bar of bitter chocolate I felt even more depressed. Murky incidents of the past seemed even murkier.

That night I had Pablo Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems as my companion, not to mention my loneliness. He is a great guy. Rightly says ‘Love is brief, Forgetting lasts so long…”. My lone self and pregnant mind seemed to resonate Neruda’s lines, tonight I can write the saddest lines.
With a filled mind, a heavy heart and reciting Neruda’s lines I again took a bite of the bitter chocolate.

Embrace

　

I silently stepped out into the terrace at the middle of the night. The sky veiled under the darkness of the night welcomed me with open arms. The moon with its soothing effect brushed past my body. I could feel the idyllic embrace of the enigmatic moon engulfing me completely. With closed eyes and stretched hands, I gave in completely, living every moment of it. It was ecstatic. It was the embrace that I longed for. But alas! It was not meant to be with me forever. For morning made its way snatching away my enigmatic lover and his embrace from me. I was left there all alone…..

Years have passed by

Years have passed by.




You had promised a rendezvous.

A rendezvous between you and me. A much awaited rendezvous, which I longed for….

The starry night with a silver moon shining brightly reminded me of you. I stared at the vast sky, trying to figure out the finite in you in its infinity. Every night when my eyes chanced upon a shooting star, I closed my eyes and prayed silently. Prayed for you, prayed for me, prayed for us and prayed for a meeting with you.



You had promised to meet me at our favorite hideout, sans everything. Sans work load, sans classes, sans assignments, sans funeral and sans family. Just you and me and the sky above.



I believed you. Believed you truly. Believed in your words that I last heard from your mouth. Words that you closely whispered in my ears. They lingered for long and they still do. They resonate in my ears, every time I think of you.

It is after all a wait, a wait for my love, my life, a wait for a part within me which I have let go for sometime. But now, years later, the ‘sometime’ has metamorphosed into eternity. I still long for you.



Everything was set. I was dressed in my best dress, sprayed my favorite perfume, looked into the mirror every now and then for last touch ups. It was flawless. No! not really! The meeting was destined to be not. For I, waited for you. ….. years down the line I am still waiting for you……



Years have passed by.

Mornings

Fluffy eyes refusing to open up. Twisting in the bed, my head still buried in the pillow, another nudging at my thighs, early mornings always made me languish. The chirping of the birds signaled the sun’s first kiss was about to touch the earth. Clattering of the utensils at the roadside tea stall meted out household melodies. Somewhere in the distant someone was heard humming a tune, soothing the ears. I could hear my mother’s hushed footsteps heading towards the kitchen. In a minute’s time I could feel her hands caressing my forehead.

She would do that every morning. Caress me, run her nimble fingers through my wild hair, bribe me to get up and get ready for school, which I abhorred so much. But I longed for this moment. Every morning. These few moments of my mother being with me, made me feel on seventh heaven, or rather my safest haven. Yes it was my safest haven.



I somehow managed to crawl out of the bed, move towards the open window of my room and stare out at the green fields beside the water body. Again she would coax me to wash my face and finish my breakfast before leaving for school. I yearned for her soft touch on my head.



Mornings. Yes, they were, but now they have become those mornings, of that life, which I have long left behind in the journey called life.



Even today, miles away from her, I experience the same mornings. The same sun, the same chirping of the birds. The same clattering of utensils at some tea stall across the road. But these mornings lack her warmth. I miss her smell terribly and her fingers running through my wild hair.



Mornings they were and mornings these would be. Mornings will come and go. But those mornings which I was forced to leave behind will always linger in my memory for ever and ever.

Rendesvous with the Rains

And there it stood in the kitchen shelf. Beckoning me with its tantalizing smell, a hot steaming cup of cappuccino, sprinkled with cocoa powder. My desired one, one which I yearn for, every minute and every second, whether am jovial or sad or experiencing severe mood swings.

Heavy rains slashed against the window panes. Droplets had gathered on the glass pane giving it a smoky and sensuous look. The leaves were in the best of their colors, shining brightly. Rain washed mother nature stood in front of me, absolutely spik and span. I was carried off to an almost different plane altogether.

Yes I had to go. I ran up to the rain washed terrace without any second thought. I stood there at the middle of the terrace with my arms stretched out. The heavy downpour blanketed me and my senses completely. It was absolute ecstasy. I could feel a velvety touch underneath my feet. I was engulfed by the rain’s intensity.


No horns, no hustle bustle of the concrete jungle was to be heard. It was only me and the rain droplets in an open terrace on a just another ordinary day which became extraordinary both physically and emotionally for me.


Water dripping through my wet hair, soggy clothes clinging on to my body, shivering within, I came down, reentered the living room and headed towards the kitchen shelf. Took the cappuccino and went inside the kitchen to heat it up.

My rendesvous with the rains is worth remembering.